A Diary Of a Nobody

It feels like years since I last wrote on this but actually its only been days. I really do see a big chance that me and Ricardo will get back together. He keep saying that he's missing me but need time to sort himself out. I don't think any thing could wipe this smile of my face right now. I know there's probz some people thinking " What! Don't go back out with him he cheated on you!" but guess what, I don't care. Like I said we both hurt each other but thats in the past and I'm hopeing we still have a future. O.k I can live without Ricardo, but I don't want to. Because a life without him would be an unhappy one.

This weekend has been amazing the great thing about life is when it goes really wrong then something really good happens. The balance of life. Yesterday I went shopping which always makes a girl feel better lol. I went to a barbque I meet the cutest little girl called louise; she reminded me of myself when I was six. So inorsent and pure not a care in the world was just happy because she was a alive. My best friend Ellie slept at my house and we had a right giggle lol.This morning I went to church which always makes me feel good; it's the one place where I can be myself without feeling like people will judge me. We went to a church meeting at 3 and it was about forgiveness. The whole time I was thinking of Ricardo. Not cause I missed him. Not cause I wanted him back. But just because I now could see forgiving him was the best thing to do. I don't think I'll be seeing him for a while any way he's stoped coming down on the acount of our whole group of mates finally seeing the real him. And trust me it's not pretty lol. Ricardo sees relationships like fire. If you quickly brush your hand over the top of it you don't feel a thing. Leave your hand there to long you get hurt . Ricardo doesn't get hurt. But thinking of it who does.
For once I've learnt something, just cause I love and dislike Ricardo doesn't mean I need him to be happy. I'm fine standing on my own two feet, and a couple of my friends feet two
xxxx

Ricardo just came round my house and said he still has feelings for me and asked if we could be friends for 2 weeks and then he can diside what hes doing. Seriousily I've got a smile from ear to ear lol.

After talking to Ricardo for and hour and a half, but it felt more like a year on that phone. I now understand everything he couldn't deal with the temtation of not sleeping with me so he gave in with someone else. He said he bearly knew what was going on because he was stoned and drunk but even so if he really did love me, even if he was possessed he wouldn't of done it. At the end of the day we both got hurt and were started a new but as just mates . (Not best buds or any thing.)
Oh my gosh I just realised something...... I'm single again yayyy. Come on you lads. Not really. I don't think I'm guna have a relationship for a while, oh well I'm still pretty lol.

I just want to hit Ricardo. He was cheating on me. I was crying all night because I thought it was my fault while he was sleeping with some 13 year old.
O.k again I've gota back up a bit. At school my best friend claire was acting so odd, even for her. I knew she was hinding something. She finally told me that Ricardo liked someone else. I got upset. Later I met up with my mates and they said that they're really sorry but they think I should know that Ricardo slept with someone else. I got even more upset. I asked Ricardo if it was true, he said no. But the whole time was staring at the floor. I got annoyed. A few hours later I got a text saying that he did sleep with a girl called ZJ and sorry I fould out from everyone else, and he's been going out with her since saturday he only dumped me yesterday!!
The only reason he slept with was because I wouldn't. I hope she knows that.
You know what, I'm happy for him. He can have his under aged little whore.
I'm guna find my "true love" "my knight in shining armor" one day. All I know is its not him.

RICARDO DUMPED ME!!!!!!
O.k maybe I should back up a bit. I dressed up as best as a could I did all my make up and stighten my hair and once I actually felt pretty. At this point I just wanted to look good for him and try to sort everything out. The whole time while we were at sean and sarahs he just inored me I keep trying to talk to him but he just keep avoiding me. Later on he said he would walk me home and that he needed to talk to me. He said That he doesnt think its working out. I said so what are you saying. He said I think you know. I felt like a whole ocean was about to come puoring out my eyes saddness flooded every part of my body he tried to hold my hands I just screamed GET THE F*** of me and ran like the devil him self was chasing me. I soon fall to the fall and brust into more floods of tears my friend Leann had caught up with me by this point and kept saying that it was his loss.But it wasn't his loss. He could have any girl he wanted I was lucky to have him. After I calmed by a small sand grain of an amount I asked him if I could talk to him. He said he couldn't stand getting hurt by me any more I couldn't believe what I was hearing I was hopeing it was a nightmare.But I wasn't asleep. I just kept thinking of all the time we spent togeter all the "good morning"s and the "I love you"s.
I feel alot better now I guess I'm like a thunder storm it may seem really bad at one point but its got to carm down sometime.
Before Ricardo I just went from lad to lad a load of one night stands I got known as a slag, a slut I don't want to be like that again.
Maybe some people arn't ment to be loved. People like me.